Welcome to The Simple Things, a newsletter inspired by one of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes. Here’s where I manage my poor recovery from jet lag, try to make a dent in organizing my overflowing inbox, and attempt to process the chronic grief I have in response to (gesticulates wildly) everything.
Today’s titular quote is from the final episode of the second season of the annoyingly perfect Fleabag by Phoebe Waller-Bridge. This line is everything — it’s simple, it’s complex, it’s universal, and it’s true.
I tend to ramble, so you might have to expand this email to avoid missing anything. If you enjoy reading this newsletter, please let me know by hitting the heart button or subscribing!
30 days. 6 hotels. 8 plane rides. 4 high speed trains. 3 days of violent food poisoning. 1 near death experience (the limit does exist if you put 3 people on a motorbike). Coming home to your codependent dog who is so excited to see you he pees on your leg: Priceless.
This last trip might be the most exhausting buying trip I’ve ever been on. We worked 18 hour days in two different time zones, visited multiple vendors in multiple cities1, and encountered so many snafus, that I started to wonder if the CCP2 was pranking us. Also, if anyone thought they saw me holding court with a completely disinterested bartender and a couple glasses of Moutai at the hotel bar in Beijing, no you did not.3
I went to China and all I got was a crippling GI virus and life-reckoning vulnerability. For better or worse, it took leaving the comfort of my routine to realize that I had been operating in perpetual survival mode for god knows how long. I’ve always considered myself a sensitive, emotionally attuned person, but I’ve discovered that it’s still possible compartmentalize some emotional stimuli to prevent yourself from feeling everything. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s self preservation. Because you can’t fall apart when you’re a moving target.
Remember when eccentric socialites and creatives used to go to spas in Switzerland to treat their “exhaustion”? Whatever happened with that? Let’s bring it back so everyone can have an emotional breakdown and marinate in its aftereffects.
A couple things I became obsessed with while in China:
Millet (小米) - Once maligned as a poor alternative to white rice, millet’s PR team has been working overtime, positioning it as a gluten-free, healthier grain option. Almost every Chinese household, restaurant, and hotel breakfast buffet has some version of millet porridge. I like it with a little furikake and pickles or Taiwanese-style eel from a can. Millet is eye-wateringly expensive on Amazon, so I recommend finding it in your local Chinatown or Asian foods market (IRL or online). Go for the non-sticky version preferably exported from Shanxi (山西), a northern Chinese province famous for its royal rice tribute.4
Almond Pastries from Koi Kei Bakery (雪花杏仁片) - I’d compare these to like a light almond mille fille or a crispier, drier version of baklava. Not too sweet (which is the highest compliment any Asian can bestow on dessert) and from my intense research, only available from the Koi Kei Bakery in Macau. There doesn’t seem to be an online distributors, so if anyone’s planning to go to Macau or Hong Kong soon, please pick up a couple boxes for me! Please and thank you.
Some of the books I read on the trip and liked [Bookshop]:
Lady Tan’s Circle of Women by Lisa See - The writing style is overly formal and stilted for my taste, but it doesn’t take away from the beauty and suspense of the story.
Wrong Place Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister - I don’t usually go for time-traveling stories but somehow it works for this suspense novel. A fun escape.
My Murder by Katie Williams - A truly novel (har har) premise that takes place in the not-so-far future where murder victims are brought back to life by a government project. Manages to balance humor with some really gruesome moments.
The Rachel Incident by Caroline O’Donohue - Sally Rooney eat your heart out.5 It’s Irish. The characters are messy. They are hilarious. They are hopeless. Yet they are all deserving of love. I’m a huge sap for any writing that captures the beauty and devastation of human relationships. I loved it.
Cleopatra and Frankenstein by Coco Mellors - It’s a classic trope: 2 dysfunctional lovers living in New York City. Only this time you’re witness to the disintegration of the marriage and its effects on some of the people around them. The writing manages to be both savage and fragile and I felt it all on the surface of my skin. This and The Rachel Incident were my top faves. (CW: Self-harm)
The One by John Marrs - Currently being adapted into a Netflix Series and I can see why. The story takes place in London where a revolutionary app that reveals your soul mate exists. Lots of twists and surprises, especially at the end. I’m interested to see how it translates on screen.
Trust by Hernan Diaz - For a Pulitzer Prize-winner, this book is remarkably simple and I mean that in the best possible way. There’s a little bit for everyone — history buffs, literary junkies, math folks — and yet it manages to be cohesive. Also, the 3 book structure is one of the most unusual and bold storytelling devices I’ve come across in a while and I’m here for it.
Somewhat book related: I loved watching Lessons in Chemistry on Apple TV. It definitely deviates from the book in some ways, but I think it makes it richer. There is a civil-rights related B-plot (since it takes place in the 50s-60s) that feels unsatisfactory but also accurate in a weird way, so I respect the show runners for not taking the path of least resistance and delivering a crowd-pleasing, cathartic resolution on a silver platter. Season 3 of Slow Horses is also live and I think I might like this one the most. Apple TV’s been crushing it with the content, I say. [Youtube]
This line from former wedding influencer Molly Fox’s “Happily Ever Divorced” essay about her deteriorating marriage: “When did I start mistaking crumbs for the feast?” I felt this in my bones. I know this is a pattern of mine. My merry band of therapists and I are working on it. [The Cut]
Character is everything, as
’s captures so brilliantly: [CW: domestic violence]:The essence of a person, the truth of a person, is who they are regularly in bad moments. Character is how people treat others when they are angry with them, stressed about work, too hungry to think. A man’s character is not on display at a cocktail party, it’s on display when you’re in an argument with him. A man’s character is how he apologizes, how he plans, the consistency with which he communicates. You might go on the most romantic date of your life with someone funny and charming and quick with a compliment and who insists that you order dessert. You might go dancing after and he might walk you home and not even try to come upstairs. If he doesn’t answer a message thanking him for the evening for eighteen hours, even though it’s the weekend and he does not work on weekends, he is someone who ignores you to exert power. That is his essence. The extra dirty martini and witty banter was the facade.
Some further reading: “Why Aren’t More People Marrying? Ask Women What Dating is Like.” [NYTimes Gift Link]
And in case you were wondering how my personal life is going:
Flâner is a French word for walking with no goals. Isn’t that just one of the nicest things to do? I can’t remember the last time I had a good flâner. Must do it again soon.
Have you cleaned your hairbrush lately? I like to use this one made by Denman to tidy up my Mason Pearson. [Amazon]
If my TV wasn’t already mounted on my wall, I’d probably get this Estonian-designed wooden TV stand. [Jalg]
Shake it, sh-sh-shake it like these adorable vintage salt and pepper shakers from Rosemary Home.
An ode to the single life by writer Bella DePaulo. [Time]
Another bedrock belief that’s being pulverized — the path to parenthood. The Cut has been doing a series called “How I Got This Baby” that invites parents to share their stories. This story about a single mom who fostered 3 Afghan refugee teenagers is a compassionate balm for the soul.
I hated wearing balaclavas when I was a toddler toddling around Toronto, but seeing this one from American Vintage makes me think that perhaps the hate was unwarranted. See also: puffer head scarf [Etsy]
When does anyone actually need a handmade ceramic figure of a cat on her hindquarters balancing an apple on her head? Never, probably. But maybe you do. [Niconeco]
Another you don’t need it but maybe you do thing: Nose pencil sharpener. It comes in a 3pk, so you can share! [American Science & Surplus]
This response to a misogynistic comment about Russell Wilson’s respect and love for his wife Ciara is, as one astute commenter wrote, “A diagnosis, sermon, and read all in one.” I highly suggest you turn on the audio because “Claire de Lune” in the background just enhances the experience.
Nothing but peace and joy in this cozy home on the Stockholm archipelago. [House & Garden UK]
Also the patterns in this thatched cottage. And this romantic Wyoming cabin. [House & Garden UK]
Always love reading Tom Whitwell’s annual “Things I learned in 20XX” posts. Here are his learnings from 2023. My favorites: (1) French Champagne is currently too cheap. (2) Fake belly buttons stickers are all the rage in China right now. Placed a few inches above the navel, they give the illusion of longer legs. One Chinese reviewer described them as “the most successful invention of 2023.” [Medium]
Gigabrain is a search engine that goes through all of Reddit to find the most useful and relevant answers.
Map of the Best aggregates all the the best restaurants and bars from guides like Michelin, James Beard, and Google in one place.
This is the most beautiful office kitchen I’ve ever seen: [Remodelista]
“It is as if you were making love” by video game maker Pippin Barr (his PhD was about video game values). I don’t have an explanation, I only ask you to go into it with an open mind.
Emotionally teetering on the edge? Your plants can join you in this clamp planter.[Design Within Reach]
I subscribe to more Substacks than is reasonable, but
is always worth it. Her gift guide is one of the best I’ve come across and it works perfectly for any occasion and budget, whether you have an abundance of time or money, or none at all.You can always say it with flowers, but if you want to say it once more with feeling, I recommend this Asparagus fern kokedama from The Moss & Green. [Looks like it’s available to ship in the US!]6
Greta Gerwig on social media: “A terrifying construction of a self through taste" — can’t decide if I want to make this my new Instagram bio or the new intro of this Substack. [Vanity Fair]
*****Smashing through Substack’s email length warning like the Kool Aid Man*****
For the person who has everything, how about an engraved brass cash-can they can carry with their keys? I hope “Fuck you. Pay me.” fits. [Etsy via
]Stay tender my friends.
It’s a custom in China to do business over a meal, and Chinese people are extremely aggressive. These meals are often extravagant with multiple courses and dishes. All I wanted was a salad in the end.
Chinese Communist Party, in case I haven’t mentioned it enough in this Substack.
Moutai is the most famous liquor in China and my least favorite to drink. However it’s said that Moutai never leaves the drinker with a hangover and I can attest to this, so it has its merits.
Do you enjoy rabbit holes? Here’s one on millet.
Sally I’m sorry, I still love you.
I think I linked to this in a past post, but I don’t care. Someone needs this!
Your round ups are always so good!
You and I sound like we had similar crazy but inspiring travels the last month or so. Thank you for sharing your story!