What joy it is to be open hearted, with all its misery.

What devastation not to be.

Welcome to The Simple Things, a newsletter inspired by one of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes. This is where I list the material things that hold me back from achieving a higher state of being. But I prefer to think they hold me down.

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Today’s title is borrowed from Anne Helen Peterson’s newsletter, which is a must to subscribe to, if you haven’t already.

I had a darker title for this newsletter lined up, but decided to shelve it because there is enough darkness right now. In fact, choosing light and humanity is an act of defiance. If you are inspired by the collective action and bravery that you are witnessing now, please consider joining me in donating to UNICEF or World Central Kitchen.

“For the dead and the living, we must bear witness.” - Elie Wiesel

Happiness is fleeting, but at least we have our stuff.

The small travel steamer only operates on one setting: SCORCHING HOT. I can’t tell you the number of times it bubbled over and burned me. This Conair Turbo steamer has multiple heat settings and a delightful design that makes it easy to steam clothes and bed linens.

The Kohler Freespin Bellerose Dual Shower Head is an absolute game changer. Love that I can rotate the heads in any way I want and have the option of using a handheld shower. Would definitely measure your shower since it does take up a substantial amount of space.

JW, SAS, and I did a zero-proof cocktail pairing with our dinner at Southern Belle supporting No Kid Hungry. First cocktail of the evening was a glass of bubbly Prima Pave Blanc de Blancs wine — crisp, with a dry finish and no Asian flush. After I got home, I bought 4 bottles of the stuff.

Someone raved to me about DS & Durga’s Bowmaker fragrance, so I got a sampler of their best sellers. Bowmakers is no doubt wonderful (having been inspired by a violin shop in Massachusetts), but I found myself drawn to Rose Atlantic. Someone stop me from buying more perfumes!

“Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important.” - Carl Jung

Michael Schur, who’s behind The Good Place, Parks and Recreation, and the American Office, is a huge philosophy nerd. He even had a philosophy professor from Stanford consult on The Good Place to make sure it was just right (the episode with the Trolley Problem is still one of my favorites). He’s now written a guide on living an ethical life called How to Be Perfect. Looking forward to reading it.

When I hear about the book bans happening around the country, my heart breaks and I thank my lucky stars that I was able to read the books I did because they changed my life. I can’t imagine being who I am today without James Baldwin’s words to guide me. This quote is my favorite and taped on my bathroom mirror:

For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.

- James Baldwin

Think these playlists from The Row stores will be the closest I get to owning one of their beautiful and extravagantly priced pieces.

Helen Rosner’s 14 things she learned by age 40 are too good not to list them all

• Be the friend who makes the decisive call when everyone else is waffling about what to eat.

• The best way to make non-work friends as a childless adult is to get a dog and become a regular at a dog park.

• If you have acne, any more than a little bit, go to a dermatologist and get on Accutane.

• You are both more and less special than you think you are.

• Don’t fuck up your feet. Once you fuck up your feet, they’re fucked up forever.

• Writing isn’t precious or special, but it’s way harder than it looks on the outside. This is probably true for most things.

• Sure, everyone’s body is beautiful, but a much more liberating realization is that, also, everyone’s body is disgusting.

• If you’re stuck in a frustration loop with someone, change the medium: call if you mostly text, email if you mostly call, etc.

• A good therapist is the best thing in the world. A bad therapist is so much worse than no therapist.

• You can just write things. An article. A poem. A book. You don’t have to wait for someone to say you should. You can just do it. This is still unbelievable to me.

• When you don’t know how to start, describe the weather.

• Your body is going to become weirder than you could ever imagine no matter what you do, and you’re going to have to come up with ways to cope with that.

• Don’t mix intoxicants, even if you think you can handle it. Maybe you can, physically, but you’re SO annoying when you’re multiple-things high.

More advice because I can help myself: “Therapist pro tip (from one of my students actually!) on emotions: The Three C’s — Catch it, Check it, Change it. You catch your harmful or potentially harmful thoughts and decide whether they are correct or they are just nonsense. Once you check it, you change it to a statement with more merit, more positivity, or just more validated. This has helped me stop running on the endless mind-treadmill of worrying about earlier conversations, negative self-talk, or even how I react to a situation.” - Christa, CoJ Commentor

And another one that I need to work on more myself: “When someone says something questionable, passive-aggressive, or insulting to you, especially in a professional setting, try a technique that hostage negotiators use called ‘mirroring’. It involves repeating the same words or phrases uttered, but as a question and in a neutral voice: ‘My hair is interesting?’ ‘I’m well-spoken for my age?’ Then wait as they realize how inappropriate their own words sound mirrored back to them. More often than not, they’ll attempt to self-correct or apologize. - Persephone, CoJ Commentor

So much content, so little time! Oscar winners CODA and Drive My Car were definitely worth the watch (Drive My Car is a bit more pensive and emotionally involved). The Shrink Next Door was bonkers! I just started watching Life & Beth and loving it. Marvelous Mrs. Maisel S3 was a riot. And as N texted me this week: I’m also officially in a throuple with Anthony and Kate from Bridgerton S2.

If you love candles and don’t have a wick trimmer, you simply must get one. My trimmer and snuffer are from Diptyque. Maison Balzac also makes excellent ones.

Is there such a thing has having too many kitchen accessories? This Supoon looks handy.

I’m a sucker for hand blown glass, like these wine glasses from Broc Glass.

What to say/do when you find your friend in a marriage crisis. Can also apply to a lot of non-marriage things.

I love this idea of packing outfits together, but also know this type of organization will fall apart very quickly for me.

Hi, getting married to myself in one of these dresses by Kamperett and you’re all invited.

One time I booked a swim lane, forgetting I had a swim class 30 min later and couldn’t just hang out in the smaller practice pool because it was filled with little kids. So for half an hour, I just sat in the locker room, damp and chilly and playing Wordle. Maybe I should get a fun robe or one of these swim parkas that some of the high school swimmers wear.

These sandals are cute.

BRB, getting emotional over this children’s book S linked me to.

Yun Hai Shop sells Taiwanese pantry goods from small makers in Taiwan.

The cakes in this canned cake vending machine look gorgeous.

This book is titled An Elderly Lady is Up to No Good. Obviously I HAVE to read it now.

Repair Shop is a research and learning studio investigating maintenance, craft, and design. I’m curious about trying out their darning workshops so I can learn how to repair my holey jeans at home (a result of my thunder thighs, sigh). Here’s a step by step guide.

Need a Girl Scout cookies but don’t have a hook up? Troop 6000 is repped by girls in NYC’s shelter system and are here to help.

I know canned cocktails is a thing, but cocktails from a tea bag? Intriguing.

Bright and fun dinnerware by Pomelo Casa. Perfect for al fresco season coming up!

MenubarX lets you pin websites like an app.

Twoseven lets you watch videos with friends around the world.

“I think if you can take care of yourself, then maybe try to take care of someone else. That’s sort of how you’re supposed to live.” - Bill Murray

Ever wonder why button ups have loops on the back?

Rapper Kool Moe Dee’s rapper report card from the late 90s. Lauryn Hill got an A+, Jay-Z earned a B.

Eating burritos stresses me out. It’s a race against the clock to consume it before it falls apart. But if I did eat burritos on a regular basis, I would get this twistable burrito holder.

If you’re looking for birria tacos in ATL, highly recommend Salsa Taqueria on Buford Highway. It’s in a gas station, so you know it’s legit. Definitely get the chicken tamales. You’re welcome.

The writer behind Goodnight Moon is actually a dead ringer for Katharine Hepburn with a penchant for fast cars and volatile romances.

These popcorn pods by Cheerie Lane look better than the microwaveable stuff. Apparently all you do is pop it in a pot, cover, and cook.

Ooh, cute kettle.

If you’re looking for a HHH nap dress alternative, Coco Conran makes square neck dresses and jumpsuits to order in London.

Need to charter a super yacht? Trying to figure out your Bulgari jewelry collection? La Patiala can guide you when it comes to the creme de la creme. The travel guides are super helpful.

The makers behind J Street Chocolate pair chocolate with fermented flavors and by-products of food production (aka food waste). Some of these flavors sound incredible.

Currently in High Point for market, but looking forward to baking and cooking more when I get home. On my list so far: Same-day peasant bread, maple milk bread, and roasted cabbage with anchovies, walnuts, and parm. Also maybe I should start adding soy sauce to my brownies? Definitely think it might be time to make my baked BBQ pork buns again.

I made this cauliflower soup with cheesy dijon croutons and it was a hit.

Haley Nahman on living your lowest potential, which I’m definitely trying to lean into.

I recently learned that Dean & Deluca lives on in Japan and they sell this rainbow jam layered with strawberry/raspberry, raspberry curd, pumpkin cream, pistachio cream, milk cream, lemon/blueberry curd, and blueberry curd. It’s only $16.

Am very fond of clever and unusual valedictions. This is a great list.