Welcome to The Simple Things, a newsletter inspired by one of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes. Here’s where I embrace stress shop to obtain some semblance of control in an otherwise chaotic world, find elegantly designed pillows to scream in, and try to keep it all together for my dog.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve found the last couple of days to be especially overwhelming. Everything is either on fire, under water, or under fire. I don’t want to bury my head in the sand and embrace ignorance, but I’m also not sure how much bad news I can take. I’m feeling somewhat like a raw nerve, overly exposed and sensitive to everything around me. And I can’t seem to heal fast enough.
“Tragic optimism is the opposite of toxic positivity,” says The Atlantic. From a branding perspective, I hate that it’s referred to as tragic optimism instead of cautious optimism. They’re trying to get more people to buy into a better way of doing things and make it share a space with the word “tragic”. I’m already depressed before I get to the part about optimism. Anyways, I digress.
Hoping for the best and planning for the worst is a practical way to go about things. It’s my go-to strategy for nearly everything in my life. But it didn’t work it’s usual magic this week. “It’s ok not to be ok,” my therapist said to me. “It’s ok to validate that everything sucks right now because it’s true.” It’s true. Everything is awful and nothing seems to get better. Hoping for the best is not going to cut it right now. The current situation is not conducive to living, laughing, and loving our best life right now. Now is the time to lament, languish, and lie down. We should give ourselves to patience to take a break before we look for the light at the end of the tunnel. It’ll be there, and we’ll need to save our energy for it.
In the meantime, I hope you’ll join me in donating to the Lilith Fund to help all Texans get abortion access, regardless of their income. I hope to continue raising hell, especially with the men who have benefited from abortion but have been quiet this weekend. It’s all hands on deck.
Distractions for your existential dread.
This quote from writer Matt Haig: “Don’t worry about being cool. Never worry what the cool people think. Life is warmth. You’ll be cool when you’re dead. Head for the warm people. Head for life.” I just started reading his novel The Midnight Library and I’m really enjoying it so far.
Did you know you can customize your own box of Sour Patch Kids? You’re welcome.
This LA-based bakery ships gluten-free bread around the country, including croissants, sourdoughs, and crackers.
This app can decipher those weird laundry care symbols for you on laundry day.
As hard as it is for me to think ahead with everything going on, that doesn’t stop me from thinking about my fall and winter wardrobe. Think I can pull off this cashmere beret?
Cold temps are coming. This stylish heat lamp would look and feel good on your deck or patio.
If you enjoy a minimalist approach to beauty, this new-to-me DTC shop might be for you. I like how their packaging is compact and can multitask.
If you have a more Gen-Z approach to beauty, check out Youthforia. All their products are plant-based and designed so you can sleep in it.
Speaking of cosmetics, are makeup setting sprays for real or for fake? Tired of seeing my makeup transfer on my masks, so thinking of trying this one.
The world’s best nannies are Norland Nannies.
Never underestimate the power of a good affogato.
I came across Airgami masks after someone on IG linked to an article about them in National Geographic. They’re on the pricier end compared to other masks, but they’re N95-grade, super light, breathable, and stays put. The best part is that they last a month of daily wear and you can clean them by rinsing them with water and disinfecting them in the microwave or oven. I recommend buying 1 to make sure the size works for you. I wear a small.
“Gently and lovingly assert yourself, without blame or shame.” Are you a people pleaser?
For a Volkswagen ad, Kurt Vonnegut wrote a letter to people living in 2088 and it’s eerily prescient. Watch Benedict Cumberbatch read it here.
The sort of leaders we need now are not those who promise ultimate victory over Nature through perseverance in living as we do right now, but those with the courage and intelligence to present to the world what appears to be Nature’s stern but reasonable surrender terms:
1. Reduce and stabilize your population.
2. Stop poisoning the air, the water, and the topsoil.
3. Stop preparing for war and start dealing with your real problems.
4. Teach your kids, and yourselves, too, while you’re at it, how to inhabit a small planet without helping to kill it.
5. Stop thinking science can fix anything if you give it a trillion dollars.
6. Stop thinking your grandchildren will be OK no matter how wasteful or destructive you may be, since they can go to a nice new planet on a spaceship. That is really mean, and stupid.
7. And so on. Or else.
Adding to the “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst” discussion, I recently learned about the Stockdale Paradox:
An Admiral in the US Navy, James Stockdale survived 8 years as a POW in a North Vietnamese prison camp. When asked who of his fellow prisoners struggled to make it out alive he replied,
“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart….”
So the “Stockdale Paradox” is the ability to hold two opposing but equally true things at once:
You must have faith that you will prevail in the end
And at the same time you must confront the brutal facts of your current reality.
Sending handwritten letters has a certain healing effect for me. I get my personal stationery custom engraved by Terrapin Stationers. This Etsy shop has more style choices if you’re looking for options, and this one is good if you prefer making a smaller order before committing.
I love the shape of these glass vases and tumblers. Ordered a few as Christmas presents to others (and myself).1
Therapist also said to surround myself with more comforting things, so I watched The Pursuit of Love on Amazon Prime — an irreverent, stylish retelling of Nancy Mitford’s novel. Featuring Andrew Scott, who I would follow to the ends of the earth. Also sumptuous visuals. The Chair on Netflix was quietly hilarious and revolutionary due to its representation. There was a part where Sandra Oh’s character is explaining to her white coworker that her Korean father objects to his granddaughter bringing Hello Kitty into his house because it’s Japanese.
Nora Ephron’s Rules for Middle Age Happiness.
Helpful resource for kitchen renovations.
This NYTimes interview with Kacey Musgraves and this GQ one with legend Tony Leung, who never seems to age!
Some food for thought:
“Multiculturalism is a grand, revolutionary concept. But I think its purpose is really simple. It is to live with each other without the fear of each other.” - Nyadol Nyuon
“If you want to prompt someone to reconsider their position, don’t swamp them with arguments, instead ask: ‘What would make you change your mind?’” - David Bauer
Yes, I’ve started doing my Christmas shopping. Yes, I’m almost done. No, I’m not insane, just trying to get ahead of the supply chain interruptions and the holiday shipping congestion.